Caring For the Careless
08/08/2021
If how I see humanity in people who do HORRIBLE things is upsetting or potentially triggering for you, please stop reading now. Although, I will include counterarguments addressing the danger in being overly sympathetic towards abusive narcissists. .
I don't wish to upset anyone, but I have the right to care about 'bad' people, just as much as you have the right not to. Your wellbeing is top priority, and I in no way believe you're morally obligated to care about the perspective of someone that has abused you.
No issues an abuser may have make his abusive behavior any less unacceptable. However, this post will reflect the compassion I have for abusers.
Sections:
- Dangerous Territory
- Are You in There?
- You Can't Make Me: Pleading w/ D.B.
- To Feel Sorry for Narcissists
- NOT to Feel Sorry for Narcissists
- Sympathy for Sociopaths
Dangerous Territory
Sympathizing with abusers is not something I am comfortable doing aloud. However, I am going to explain my empathy for the 'bad guys' as cautiously as possibly.
This viewpoint has landed me in hot water. It is also very likely a large contributing factor as to why I stayed with, and feel love for, a man who does not deserve me. I am not saying this is the correct or only view to have of abusers, just that it is my own.
I've tried to imagine being as unfeeling and cruel as the man who inspired this page, but I cannot fathom being completely disinterested in the mental and emotional welfare of others.
It would be a simple knee-jerk reaction for me to label a person lacking empathy as evil, bad and unworthy of my time.
Yet, when I think of individuals who relate to people in such a broken manner that it allows them to abuse, I feel more than just anger about the injustice of their cruelty..I also feel a great deal of sorrow and pity for the ones victimizing others.
I cannot help it. I think about the factors that had to have created such a hateful unstable person. I know about cause and effect. I am not saying most people don't make their own choices. I'm simply saying it is well-known that many abusive individuals have similar backgrounds.
Sure, that's when someone will bring up how they had a bad childhood or endured some other form of trauma and didn't turn out abusive..That is very true..but I grew up with three other siblings, and I am the only one who processed our upbringing and my earlier experiences in a way that made me repeatedly attracted to abusers. We all respond differently. Why I turned out to be more caring instead of totally unfeeling.. I don't know 🤷🏻♀️
I see my ex in his current state, and it makes me furious..I am so angry that he is how he is, because I want better for him. Not for me, FOR HIM. I want him to have a chance to feel peace, hope, love and purpose. To think of how it must be inside his mind for him to be able to act the way he does..it breaks my heart.
This section will not solely focus on my ex-it will be about the sorrow I feel for hateful, toxic people in general.
I’ve been told these types of people don’t care and don’t want the things most people want..That's likely true, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.
It hurts me, because I believe no person deserves to exist in that state. No human being should have to live so broken, empty, and lost. Nobody deserves to live as less than fully alive. It’s painful to think of it.
People matter. People have inherit worth and purpose..For any individual to be stripped of all of that, for whatever reason(genetics, situation, trauma, evil), is heart-wrenching.
People are complex, beautiful, important...and capable of incredible things that are awe inspiring.
To know joy, love, peace, hope, compassion and so many other positive and truly amazing aspects of the human experience exist but that some people don’t experience much of it, or any of it at all.. It hurts me on a very impactful level. It is a sharp, sickening pain.
Such an awareness makes me feel helpless. To know someone is stuck that way, even if they don't want the wonderful things they can't have.. Me knowing that they are being deprived, and are existing in a lesser state than what they deserve… I find that deeply distressing.
It's not fair.
Why do I get to experience these beautiful things?
Why do I get to be ok? Why do I get to care and love?
Why am I fortunate enough to have hope and peace of mind...but they are not!?
It's not fair at all. I don't deserve love or life more than these 'bad' people. I don't matter more..Yet here I am, just the luck of the draw in life. I hate it.
It feels like a waste of people. It’s wrong. Life is not fair, we all have struggles and our own ‘demons’..but I hate knowing that my ex deserves to be alright just as much as I do, but he’s not..And I can’t trade places with him. I cannot help him. I can’t stand it. I loathe it. I wish I could just will it away. I wish I could be miserable instead...but life doesn’t work that way. You have to accept what is..but accepting that some people will never experience all the basic, yet wonderful, things people are meant to experience. I have extremely strong emotions and conviction regarding the importance of others’ wellbeing. People deserve to be alright! I absolutely hate how some people are stuck merely existing, instead of living.
I hate knowing there are people living with severe pain or emptiness that no living soul should have to endure, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I can go about my business and be ok, but someone else can’t be alright.
It makes me sick to my stomach. Why couldn’t I be the one who is miserable and broken beyond repair instead? Why can’t I trade? I don’t understand. Why can’t anyone help people like this?
People shouldn’t have to become this way. Nobody deserves to feel such anger and negativity that they become it and nothing more. I cannot stand thinking about this because there’s nothing I can do.
I know most of these ‘bad' people are suffering, and I cannot make their pain stop.
I also know that some of these ‘bad people’ don’t care or want more..but that doesn’t change the truth that they deserve more.
No matter if they are aware and care, or if they are oblivious and don't care at all-they are still people. People aren’t supposed to have to exist as pure hatred and frustration. How? What happened to them? Where did their heart go? Was it their fault? Are they hopeless? Are they evil? Because all I see are people suffering, and I wish life would’ve ruined me instead of them.
No matter if they are aware and care, or if they are oblivious and don't care at all-they are still people. People aren’t supposed to have to exist as pure hatred and frustration. How? What happened to them? Where did their heart go? Was it their fault? Are they hopeless? Are they evil? Because all I see are people suffering, and I wish life would’ve ruined me instead of them.
No one deserves to be ruined and reduced to the type of ‘monster’ many abusers are. I cannot change it, but I detest it.
It doesn't feel right to not see humanity in people, I don’t know how.
When I see my ex I don’t see a hopeless, worthless monster. I see the lost innocent child, wasted potential, beauty, hatred, resignation, and pain. I see a person.. and I wish I could be broken instead of him.
I wish I could take all the pain and anger away from his mind. I wish I could be there for him, but he doesn’t want me there. Maybe he is not there, and he is just a shell now.. Maybe?..But I still see more. I see a person, and people deserve to exist better than how he exists.
I don’t know how to hate and not care about people...And abusers are people; even if they are miserable and mean people.
I don’t know how to hate and not care about people...And abusers are people; even if they are miserable and mean people.
Abusers deserve to exist in a way that doesn’t allow them to abuse. What made them this way, and why can’t they be helped?
Why does it have to be so hopeless?
Why does it feel so wretched to know some people are lost causes?
Giving up on someone, I don’t know if I can.
How do you see nothing in someone? I can’t. I can’t stop seeing humanity in people, I probably should. It feels impossible.
I cannot fix or save anyone, but that doesn't stop me from wanting everyone to be alright. People deserve to be ok.
People deserve to exist in a content state, with incredible moments mixed in to make the most horrible of moments worth getting through.
People deserve love..and I am not speaking only of romantic love. I mean love.. Authentic, undying, and selfless love.
Love is everything, yet people have turned it into a childish sentiment or cheesy film genre. It is not silly. It is your purpose, whether you realize it or not.
I cannot fix or save anyone, but that doesn't stop me from wanting everyone to be alright. People deserve to be ok.
People deserve to exist in a content state, with incredible moments mixed in to make the most horrible of moments worth getting through.
People deserve love..and I am not speaking only of romantic love. I mean love.. Authentic, undying, and selfless love.
Love is everything, yet people have turned it into a childish sentiment or cheesy film genre. It is not silly. It is your purpose, whether you realize it or not.
We are meant to love. So when people live to hate..it's devastating to them and all those around them.. Hate is poison. You can tell by all the damage and suffering it causes.
I know what would be ideal for everyone’s welfare is far from reality...but that doesn’t make me desire it any less. Having pure, childlike love is not stupid..it’s just hard because big loving hearts get broken-I think it is worth it.
I think people are worth everything..and that’s why I gave him all I had. I donated all of myself to him.
I know what would be ideal for everyone’s welfare is far from reality...but that doesn’t make me desire it any less. Having pure, childlike love is not stupid..it’s just hard because big loving hearts get broken-I think it is worth it.
I think people are worth everything..and that’s why I gave him all I had. I donated all of myself to him.
I sacrificed my happiness because I thought he was worth every bit of the love I had to give.. and he was, but so was I.
I’m trying to learn to cut off.. develop some boundaries— Because while I think people are worth everything, I tend to forget that I’m a person and so I deserve everything too. I deserve love, devotion, compassion and care too. I am also a beautiful worthwhile person, he and I both managed to forget that about me while we were together.
You don’t have to be religious or spiritual to appreciate this.
It’s my favorite:
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,
you may win false friends and gain true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere,
people may cheat you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,
others may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
may be forgetten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the end it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.
Kent M. Keith / St. Teresa
Are You in There?
I see parts of him mixed into the chaos and cruelty. I care about all of it. The good, the bad, the terrible. I care about the person.
I've referenced my ex as pure evil, a horrible man, and a monster a few times throughout my personal writings on this webpage-especially within my angry posts..Although I do acknowledge that could very well be the type of man he is..that's not exactly how I see him.
I see his selfishness and disregard for the experiences of others. I see his annoyance and resentment towards every person he encounters. I see his harsh judgments, and disgust.
I see his desperation to avoid being 'tied down' to anyone.
I see how he twists the idea of attachments into a negative burden, instead of something crucial, worthwhile and incredibly vital to personal growth and a meaningful existence.
I see his fear, denial and self defeatist attitude. I see his disinterest in all that should matter, because I assume someone he idolized looked down on deeper meaning too. Or at one time nothing was allowed to matter, and he never readjusted when circumstances in his life changed to where things could matter.
I see his anger. I see his prideful and oppositional disposition sabotaging him at every turn.
I see his hate for me when I've done nothing to warrant such disdain. I see my care for him being unappreciated, devalued, and discarded by him.
I see what happens if he makes nothing matter in his world..
If nothing matters, then he is in control and is 'safe'
If he makes it so he truly feels nothing matters...then-
He cannot be wrong
He cannot regret
He cannot miss out
He cannot fail
(because he never truly tries)
He cannot be relied upon
He cannot owe anything
He cannot be held to standards
(because standards of a bunch of people who do not matter obviously don’t matter either)
He can hurt anyone in anyway he pleases
He cannot be harmed
He cannot 'lose'
Unfortunately, he has tucked himself 'safely' deeply into a purposeless abyss.
He is stuck because being so immersed in his counterproductive security system, leads him to believe that he is at the smartest, safest, most advantageous position possible...
He is one step ahead of the rest. He is better, because being best keeps him right where he thinks he should be.
Just as hating commitment keeps him 'free' of what he and fears-accountability.
He doesn't want to be reliable, stable, honest, and care..because all of that requires VULNERABILITY.
He prefers to feel safe, even though his false safety is ruining his life more than loving another person ever could.
He is avoiding challenges, and as a consequence, he is completely avoiding having a real life.
The control he obsessively clings to creates and keeps his dang prison cell intact.
You Can't Make Me
Pleading with D.B.
He cannot make me hate him. He cannot make my heart empty and unfeeling. I accept that it is likely that he does not care or feel.
On that small chance that he still has some semblance of a heart deep, deep down in there, I am going to address it. I am going to speak to who might exist, on the off chance he does.
I am more than my negative emotions issues, and mistakes. Be more than your negative emotions too.
Be the man I know you have the power to be. Get out of that mess, fight for more. Fight for yourself, not for your pointless, obnoxious pride. It served a purpose, but it only gets in the way now. Stop letting yourself lose by defeating yourself! You're kicking your own ass.
You deserve more than where you're headed living this way.
I am going to live a happy and productive life. I hate the thought of you never having that kind of life too. I hate seeing the mess you and your life have made of you, especially when I know you could do better. You are better.
I want you to be alright, I've always wanted that.
I'm becoming my hopeful, joyful self again, and I feel you are staying just as miserable as always. I hate that for you. I'm aware some trauma bonding is involved, but I still know how much I care. If he thinks it is purely my 'addiction' to him that remains, he's mistaken.
If he thinks my care for him is just the manifestation of the codependency our relationship created, he's wrong. I mean, all that mess is there too, but so is something else.
D.B, IF there is a heart deep down beneath all of your animosity and apathy. If there is someone in there, and you aren't simply pure evil, then this plea is for him.If there is no heart or goodness within you, then the empty you can enjoy this too.
If viewing someone loving you as a weak and stupid helps you get by..go ahead. Enjoy, because you cannot make my heart not care about what matters-people matter. So, YOU matter.
Your failure to recognize my worth, will not make me fail to recognize yours.
You matter just as much as the people you convince yourself don't. Wake up beautiful.
Get over yourself and let people help you, because what you're obsessed with defending isn't even under attack.
What you are clinging to isn't real.(That's rich coming from a girl who held onto a fake relationship designed by you, eh?! lol. Never too soon to burn myself..)
The point you're trying to prove to the world will never give your life purpose--especially since all it is is a way to distract yourself from the truth. There’s a reason you don’t care about much..
You hate everyone, you judge and hurt everyone.. for what?!! Do you even know why after doing it for so long?
You hate everyone, you judge and hurt everyone.. for what?!! Do you even know why after doing it for so long?
What lie do you have to tell yourself to feel like it makes you a superior badass to abuse people??
Please, just wake up babe. You are better than this. You are worth more than your bullshit.
Please be more than what you have reduced yourself to.
You don't only degrade and squash the worth of others, you've fully done the same to yourself. You reduced yourself to some 'badass character' that pales in comparison to the real you.
You don't only degrade and squash the worth of others, you've fully done the same to yourself. You reduced yourself to some 'badass character' that pales in comparison to the real you.
Come on.. please just stop it. Stop pretending. Stop running. Stop pushing others down and kicking them around. Stop blocking out life.
Please, not for me- for you. I know you cannot hear me, but I wish you could. The thought of giving up on you as if you're something hopeless.. it doesn't sit right with me. I don’t want to. It feels wrong.
I wish I could help you, I can't. The parts of yourself you need have probably already died...haven't they? You don't care at all, do you?
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for you.
You are more than your damage sir. If you're there, please snap out of it. Stop trying to make others as broken as you are, when you all you need to do is face your ugly wounds to start healing. Please. You’re worth it.
I don't mean you'll magically be a sweetheart who cares the way most people do..but things could still become much much better for you. The weight you carry around could be drastically less..
I don't mean you'll magically be a sweetheart who cares the way most people do..but things could still become much much better for you. The weight you carry around could be drastically less..
Stop being the person(s) and/or situations that ruined your life. Because now the only force ruining your life is you.
I am more than my negative emotions issues, and mistakes. Be more than your negative emotions too.
Stop being nothing but the most damaging and out of control parts of yourself.
There is so much more to you than your rage, regret, and resentment.
Be the man I know you have the power to be. Get out of that mess, fight for more. Fight for yourself, not for your pointless, obnoxious pride. It served a purpose, but it only gets in the way now. Stop letting yourself lose by defeating yourself! You're kicking your own ass.
You deserve more than where you're headed living this way.
I am going to live a happy and productive life. I hate the thought of you never having that kind of life too. I hate seeing the mess you and your life have made of you, especially when I know you could do better. You are better.
I want you to be alright, I've always wanted that.
I'm becoming my hopeful, joyful self again, and I feel you are staying just as miserable as always. I hate that for you. I'm aware some trauma bonding is involved, but I still know how much I care. If he thinks it is purely my 'addiction' to him that remains, he's mistaken.
If he thinks my care for him is just the manifestation of the codependency our relationship created, he's wrong. I mean, all that mess is there too, but so is something else.
Even though he never let me get to know all of him, even though he remained hidden and distant, I still care about him as a person.
He cannot make me hate him. I have love for whichever him he really is.
Reasons to Feel Sorry for Narcissists
(But only after you've left them.)by Karen Nimmo
If you've been with a narcissist you'll struggle with the title of this post.Feel sorry for them?
Are you kidding?
That person caused me so much pain; they just about broke me. Why would I feel sorry for them? I need every drop of empathy I have for myself.
Fair point. Being with a narcissistic partner is beyond tough. First the chaotic relationship, then the tumultuous exit - and, finally, the sinister after-party they inevitably throw for you (which can last for years).
BUT - once the distress fades, and you've educated yourself about all you've been through, you may see things differently. You won't do it because you want anything more to do with them. You'll do it because you're a good person.
In a toxic relationship, the narcissistic cluster of traits can be a useful way of understanding a partner - and unpacking your own pain. But, when you're ready, it's always worth looking at things from another angle.
Here's what's going on underneath for a narcissist.
4 Reasons to Feel Sorry for a Narcissist
1. They can't love.
Narcissists are wounded in childhood. As babies/children, their attachment to their parents or caregivers is disrupted - usually by neglectful or indulgent or erratic/chaotic parenting. It leads them to struggle with trust or forming strong, loving bonds.As adults, they don't understand intimate love. Instead, they get infatuated: they'll "love bomb" potential partners - adore, flatter, treat you like you're a drug, a savior, a gift to their life. It's only human to be flattered by it - but it's worth remembering that their motivation isn't about your fabulousness, it's about wanting to show themselves as the Perfect Partner.
The fact that a narcissist had a difficult upbringing can make their partners stay with them for far too long in the hope that their steady love and support will make all the difference. It won't. Narcissists may long to form deep, warm bonds but they can't because they don't know what they are.
Imagine not being able to love?
2. They can't feel genuine emotion.
Narcissists do have emotion - some of them have reams of it. But if you look closely you'll see their emotional range is limited - it's usually just highs and lows and lots of tears and/or anger (overt anger or simmering rage). They'll also struggle to express the right amount of emotion for the occasion - it'll mostly be too much, or too little, or none at all.
Narcissistic emotional expression is often described as "child-like" for good reason. Because they never had accurate feedback on what's right and wrong (and how much is too much), they don't know how to react. Their responses are just their best guess or something they've copied. Sadly, this means they'll never feel genuine emotion, they'll never be able to deeply empathize with another. They'll never be able to be emotionally available for someone else. Imagine not being able to feel?
In a relationship, you're stepping onto shaky ground when you begin to see behind your narcissistic partner's mask: they are extremely defensive and would rather lash out and wound than be exposed for who they truly are.
Imagine not being able to be who you truly are?
3. They can't let the mask slip.
It's an ironic time to be talking about masks. But the narcissist wears the ultimate mask to hide a flimsy sense of self-worth. The mask presents the (beautiful, charming, smart, well-adjusted) face they want to show to the world - and they'll protect and defend it at all costs.In a relationship, you're stepping onto shaky ground when you begin to see behind your narcissistic partner's mask: they are extremely defensive and would rather lash out and wound than be exposed for who they truly are.
Imagine not being able to be who you truly are?
4. They can't ever leave themselves.
Being a narcissist is seriously lonely. They can't build relationships that go the distance - not with families, friends and intimate partners. And their core insecurity means they don't even like themselves.If you are with a narcissistic partner you can leave: true, it might take time and anguish but you will eventually be able to walk away from them. The narcissist can't. They are destined to spend their whole lives in their own company. Imagine being stuck in a relationship like that?
"When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose." - Brené Brown
Reasons NOT to Feel Sorry for Narcissists
by Julie L. Hall
If you are a caring compassionate person, it is natural to feel sorry for others who suffer, including the narcissist in your life.
The Narcissist as Tragic Figure
The narcissist experiences disrupted attachment and defining emotional injury in early life. "Narcissistic injury" may be the result of abuse, loss, or a mixture of such deprivation with coddling/overindulgence and/or a highly sensitive nature.
Fundamentally, narcissists are stuck emotionally at the approximate developmental level of a three year old, and consequently they lack the most basic ability to care about the feelings, needs, and perspectives of others.
Yet, as savvy adults their powers of manipulation are off the charts. At first glance, the narcissist may appear to be a tragically sympathetic figure. But the catch, and it's a big one, is that narcissists are pathologically selfish and often stunningly cruel.
The Pathology of Narcissism: Overt and Covert
Those with NPD aren't just more self-centered than most of us on the human continuum. They are, in fact, severely lacking in or altogether devoid of emotional empathy and as a result are capable of terrible moral and legal crimes, all serving to prop the larger-than-life false self they have constructed to supplant their feelings of defectiveness.
Whether brashly confident on the surface or passive aggressive, narcissists work continuously to convince themselves and those around them that they are superior, entitled, and above reproach.
While their self-aggrandizing agendas come from the same pathology, narcissists of the overt type are more obviously arrogant and domineering, while covert narcissists avoid the spotlight and use passive-aggressive forms of manipulation such as guilt and pity-plays.
Narcissist Abuse Tactics
Narcissists use many strategies to get their way, assert their superiority, and avoid accountability.
Here are typical narcissistic behaviors:
criticize
compete
violate boundaries
manipulate
terrorize
lie
blame
shame
belittle
ridicule
deny
project
gaslight
deflect
play the victim
Reforming the Narcissist?
Have a narcissistic parent, spouse, lover, or friend? Forget right now about reforming them. It may sound harsh, but reforming someone with NPD is a debilitating delusion.
Do Not Feed the Narcissist
Narcissists are masterful at hooking people, dangling their finest bait to attract their next blood meal.
The bait is typically intense idealization: excessive attentiveness and flattery; abrupt expressions of intimacy; and sudden, premature promises and declarations of love.
For the impossible-to-please narcissist, devaluation follows the idealization phase. As quickly as s/he exalted you, s/he launches a litany of criticisms, complaints, and "rational" reasons for rage.
But even as the narcissist's castoff, you are likely to find that the hook in your mouth lodges deeper the more you try to free yourself.
Why You Should Not Feel Sorry for the Narcissist
If it is not already screamingly evident, feeling sorry for the narcissist is an invitation to being abused and victimized-idealized, devalued, and rejected; or, worse, agonizingly anchored.
Go ahead and feel sympathy from a distance and empathy from another continent, but do not tell yourself that you are "the one" to heal the narcissist.
The narcissistic personality cannot and will never love you as you need and deserve to be loved. S/he will harm your children and larger family. In short, s/he will become your biggest regret.
Sympathy for Sociopaths
by Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC, Good Therapy.org Founder and CEO
There is no debate about the fact sociopathy(ASPD) is a real condition which interferes with or precludes the capacity for empathy and remorse. However, there is debate about how sociopathy should be viewed, and I take a unique and unpopular position.The etiology of sociopathy is an important area of research that by no means has produced a final verdict on the cause of this condition. The collective research on sociopathy suggests that there are a number of possible interrelated causes for the condition including cultural, environmental, and genetic factors.
Whatever the general etiology and prognosis are for the condition of sociopathy, it should not preclude therapists and other mental health professionals from treating such folks with dignity. This declaration may seem shocking at first, but there is a sensible argument for treating sociopaths with dignity.
Regardless of whether sociopathy is caused by genetic factors, environmental factors, or some combination, sociopaths should not be viewed as responsible for their sociopathy because the sociopathic condition is not one that is chosen-it is one that is given, whether by genetic inheritance or life experience.
I'm not suggesting that some sociopaths do not make or intend evil action, nor am I arguing that sociopaths should not be held responsible for their actions. From a cursory review of the 20th century alone-and some of its leading figures-it's clear that sociopaths are quite capable of evil. Because sociopathy is a condition affecting one in 100 men and one in 300 women, most of us have interacted with a sociopath and many have been hurt, abused, or taken advantage of as a result.
I very much understand the kind of destruction and pain some sociopaths can cause as well as the fear, anger, pain, and the inability to forgive which many victims of sociopaths are faced with. I say "some" because not all sociopaths are the violent psychopathic killers that the media portray them to be.
Additionally, it's important to mention that even though sociopaths do not feel empathy, they do have a cognitive understanding of what is deemed right and wrong by the culture that they exist in.
Of course we can imagine how a lack of empathy can debilitate a person, leaving one to make decisions based simply on consequences or self-serving implications.
But it is still reasonable to expect sociopaths, or any member of society no matter how unrealistic it might seem, to have cognitive knowledge of right from wrong, to agree to the golden rule even for self-serving purposes, and to control their impulses.
Again, I'm not in denial of the danger that some sociopaths present. Nonetheless, I recommend that regardless of the danger sociopaths collectively pose to society, it would be in everyone's best interest to develop sympathy for sociopaths and to consider doing what we can to help heal the condition of sociopathy.
Why have sympathy for sociopaths?
Again, nobody chooses sociopathy. One's genetic and environmental inheritance as well as the family and culture one is born into predisposes and shapes each of us beyond our control. What a horrible misfortune to inherit sociopathy.
Sociopaths miss out on the most uplifting experiences of being human: love, empathy, and emotional connection. (Of course, this view is only held by those of us who actually know what love feels like.)Many sociopaths make contributions to society through medicine, military service, and many other fields of service. And there is hope, no?
Sociopaths miss out on the most uplifting experiences of being human: love, empathy, and emotional connection. (Of course, this view is only held by those of us who actually know what love feels like.)Many sociopaths make contributions to society through medicine, military service, and many other fields of service. And there is hope, no?
Currently, the odds of an adult without empathy ever developing the capacity to emotionally attach and feel remorse, regardless of the cause of their sociopathy, is probably quite low. Nonetheless, I believe that it's better to stay open to the possibility that some sociopaths could have the capacity to develop attachment, remorse, guilt, and empathy.
The latest research from the field of interpersonal neurobiology demonstrates that the adult brain can develop new neural connections and can even grow new neurons, a finding that offers tremendous hope. If we can envision future technologies developed through neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology and imagine how they could contribute to the understanding and treatment of sociopathy, I believe that there certainly is hope.
What if the etiology and variations of sociopathy could be differentiated from each other and understood? What if sociopathy could be treated effectively? If sociopathy was a treatable condition, something we could reverse or heal, the amount of collective harm passed around from human to human and nation to nation could be greatly reduced.
With an effective medical treatment for sociopathy, millions of children with sociopathic parents might have a chance to develop a healthy attachment, and a large number of people with sociopathy produced as a result of their childhood experiences could be prevented.
Of course, this will never happen if sociopaths are seen as invaluable, inferior, and are treated as the lepers of society..
The irony is that many of us who fear sociopaths or have been hurt by them inadvertently "steal one from their playbook" by reciprocating and viewing sociopaths without sympathy.
I encourage you to join me in the hope that someday pro-social groups will join together to contribute the financial resources needed to improve the treatment of sociopathy and, however grandiose, the course of human cultural evolution in turn.