Hoover 2-

I was selfishly asking him to call to talk and be there for me when I knew he was busy. I wasn't 'backing off' -MY FAULT he left and acted abusively.

Hoover 3- 

Hoover 4-

I was selfishly asking for reassurance yet again after I called to tell him I was scared and he’d mentioned doing exactly what he knew I was most scared of..Then I selfishly asked him a basic question and requested to have a conversation for clarity and to resolve the issue.-MY FAULT he left and acted abusively.

Hoover 5- 

How convenient 

that the self-admitted abuser is NEVER to blame for why things don't work out and we implode. Surely it must be the person who is willing to compromise, apologize, modify her behavior, commit, and listen to what you have to say, who is causing the issues. Surely it is the victim of your abuse making the relationship hostile and leaving a huge mess behind..Surely not YOU-the actual problem who is always pointing at the person you're mistreating as being the problem and the finger pointer. 🤦🏻‍♀️ My lawd.

Boy..you best take the projecting and blame shifting and stick it back up where it belongs before you come back around pretending to care. At least come back and be halfway honest. Stop with the lies and games. If you want to hang out and not love me-own it- and give me the opportunity to consent to the actual mess I'm getting into..

 
You are a grown man, stop acting threatened and disgusted by a woman who stands her ground and knows you're full of shit.

And MAYBE be clever enough to take advantage of the fact that a woman who knows all your nonsense still wants you around, instead of ditching her to hang out with people who don't see YOU yet. I see you sir, I see you and your hot mess of a brain and still care and was down to spend time with you-but you rejected me..you feel big and bad now? Feel powerful now that you were asinine enough to turn down a spending time with someone you know very well is too good for you? Idiotic choice. Almost as stupid as MY choice to talk to you. lol Never said I wasn't messed up too..I'm just not the abusive butt who keeps running and being cruel for no good reason.

I insult you because I am stating your qualities that cause damage..and they just so happen to SUCK. Not my fault you're an asshole, is it? lol. So I am stating the facts that your character flaws happen to be very offensive because they are toxic to those around you. I am not stupid..maybe you will catch on to that eventually. I have moments, I mess up..but I am smart enough to know exactly who you are by now D.B. Stop trying to hide man. Just stop—

Sure, I made the choice to speak with him again each time. Poor choice, I own it. But that does not excuse his bad behavior, abusive ways, or pure selfishness. I did not MAKE HIM be cold, quiet, negative and unavailable. I DID NOT make him run away and treat me poorly again. HE chose to be cruel and selfish. He chose to prioritize his pride, fears, and temper over me- the woman he supposedly loved until I MADE HIM leave by acting poorly. I'm the one who makes us fail..not the abusive, selfish partner who is scared of being a real partner. OK sweetheart.

When he returned he said he realized what he did and didn’t want for his life. He said he was back because he didn't want to end up like his dad and be alone. He came back for HIM. He said he was sad and struggling with the difficult time HE was having. So he was openly saying he was only reaching out because he was lonely, feeling bad about himself and wanted more/better for HIMSELF. And he saw NO FLAW with this logic or way of approaching me..at all. I sure did, but I didn't mention it until later when I let him know I was flustered he hadn't called or even apologized after texting me he loved me and going on about himself. THEN he called. 

He couldn't and cannot see it..the selfishness in everything he does, and when I try to get something for myself or get attention for my wants and needs I can hear his voice my head..I can just imagine him getting annoyed and saying “It's not always about you!” ..As if he is the one being bothered and wronged by MY selfishness. Oh my goodness gracious. The illogical madness of it all. It is so frustrating. 

And it is even more frustrating that I knew all of this and still was trying to accept and be good to him, I missed him and wanted him, but he couldn't even talk to me or forgive me!? Hopeless..why does he choose to create misery, then get sad about how hard it is for him to be so miserable?? He is in a crap situation, likely due to his crap attitude and inability to realize some of the stress and pain in his life is a direct consequence of his selfishness and disordered personality and untreated issues that need to be addressed! IF HE COULD JUST LOOK AT HIMSELF and stop hating me and everyone else..Good God. I loved him, I tried to love him, and he is just a complete jerk picking me apart every single time!

HE GETS FRUSTRATED WITH ME FOR GETTING FRUSTRATED WITH HIS FRUSTRATING BEHAVIOR🤦🏻‍♀️

Then he runs away and hides like I am the scary one who could do damage..He IS the damage. I'm only scary if you can't handle love, honesty and goodness. His ability to destroy and inflict suffering to those around him is so sad. It makes me sad. I want better for him. And yes, it is stressful and aggravating that I can accept and still care about him and his well-being but he can't even do close to the same when I am doing him a favor by being around. Damn D.B..damn.

That pride of yours..why is it so hard to accept I am awesome, without you automatically having to feel lame and mad? You don't have to be the coolest person in the room to be ok! I don't actually think you're lame and worthless without good traits..I simply also think you are an abusive asshole. In a room with the two of us...you know which one of us is the “better” person in general..you know that..Is that why you hate me? Because I don't suck badly enough to make YOU look good to yourself? Learn how to look good to yourself no matter who else is around! Dang it! 

I wish I could help you..I know you knowing some or all of this is true doesn't help you with your issues. I am sorry I can't help. I tried. I always do. Because I have love for you..but you still can piss me off and make me sad. I can't be fake enough to not call out the bullshit. I know you've read my page about righteous anger vs. your brand of hostility, maybe peek at it again before you try to pretend I am just as cruel as you for pointing out your flaws which caused me harm. K? Or don't. If lonely denial and misery is a more peaceful way to exist.

The fact that he could get someone like me to a point of being this forward and sometimes harsh/mean is a testament to his abusive ways and his antagonistic personality style.

The general mentality of most abusers is the worst entitled, hypocritical, cruel thing ever. It is exhausting, unjust, maddening, heartbreaking, illogical and a miserable counterproductive way to exist. Sure, I did counterproductive stuff too, like always letting him back in..but this post isn't about my mistakes, because my mistakes didn't cause the abuse, he did. Plus I focus enough on my errors and flaws already..he made sure of it ;).. 

No matter how many times or how hard he tries to blame me for his anger and failure to stick around..HE IS TO BLAME. He ran. He insulted. He triggered. He quit. He blocked me out. He treated me with worse disrespect than even my angriest texts and or voicemails the moment he chose to discard and delete me without closure like I wasn't even a human being worthy of compassion. He says he is competitive, well the only thing he is winning right now is a pissing match with me regarding who is the biggest inconsiderate, dehumanizing, selfish arse.- He wins.
  

The fact that I can see the positive in him and still manage to treat him like a person no matter how many times he has behaved like a monster, but he can't treat me like a person even though I almost always did right by him and definitely put forth more effort and gave more than he ever did or ever will..well it would be hilarious if it weren't so depressingly awful. It breaks my heart for him. I mean it. I cannot stay angry with him. I feel too sorry for him and his hateful, solitary mindset to wish him ill. I love the man, but I know he is deeply troubled, and his view of me in the world is obviously far off from reality, or else he'd treat me like the woman I am -deserving of kindness, respect and his time.

He chose to be bitter and hate me instead of talking it out to solve what could have easily been a much smaller conflict..instead of him deciding it was an impossible obstacle. But he chose that he would rather run being angry, feeling slighted, disrespected, contemptuous instead of calling me, inviting me over, laughing with me, holding me. He chose to be miserable and alone without the company of an accepting, forgiving woman with unconditional love for him no matter how big of a hard-headed asshole he is. HE CHOSE HIMSELF- again. He always will. 

 
I thank him for giving me a confidence boost for once. Surviving the cruelty of someone like this can make you feel might proud of your strength. I am sorry, but a weak person could never love or forgive D.B.

Yus! This makes me so happy.. Being able to laugh at myself and smile again. I am funny again! Thank God you didn't take that sass from me handsome. :) I have healthy narcissism levels..how bout you? Just kidding. I'm sorry, I know you know. Don't hate yourself please, just hate the mean damaging parts and try to make them better..I wish you could do that instead of hating yourself and other people. IF I CAN LOVE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU??

I still wanted you around knowing you were full of it, but you chose to run and be a grump-ass instead of spending the evening with me? And you call me clueless... What kind of idiotic choice was that!? The one you recently made!? Sit angry, or be with pretty girl who wants me for some reason. hhmmmmm You thought “Let's be angry and hate her for not liking being treated badly instead.” LOL. Dude..no, just no. Asinine. But thanks for sparing me the additional regret.

That's right babe..my hilarious and sarcastic humor has returned. My 'attitude' which you let me know pisses you off..Why? because it doesn't address you like you are my boss and leader? Like you are bigger and better than me? BECAUSE YOU AREN'T. We both matter equally! Hate to break it to you..wait, no I don't.I am not more deserving than you, I am not more worthy of love than you..WE BOTH DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT EQUALLY. You just find me acting like your equal enraging because your disordered way of thinking makes you an entitled, arrogant, and misogynistic prick. Yes..I insulted you..kind of mean. And I am kind of sorry..but it is an accurate depiction, is it not?

Not my fault you loathe when I hold up the REAL MIRROR you refuse to look into. If you want to see a better reflection, become a better man.

I am becoming myself again, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Take it or leave it, but I already know you don't want anyone around if you can't push them around and keep them down on the ground with you, do you dear?? 

Do I make you feel bad about yourself by being strong, cute, funny and good natured? I am actually sorry if you feel that way..because you'd have plenty going for you if you could remove your lovely head from your rectum. 

Yes, kind good natured people can develop a backbone and get mad too sir! So? I can also be a good, kind person who gets sick and tired of getting kicked around by someone like you! I have every right to get angry and condemn all of your cruel ways which hurt me. I have the right be a smartass and blow off steam with harshly accurate, yet funny descriptions of the bullshit you've put me through. You cannot tear me apart anymore, when I already know who I am and that your insults and accusations are complete nonsense. 

The fact that you even think I deserve you being unkind to me speaks for itself. I do not deserve your cruelty and criticism, but I always get it when I am trying my best to be there for you and love you..but when I ask for the same back..all hell breaks loose. Oh well. I accept you, now go work on yourself. I'm already working on myself, and obviously I am making progress. I can look at myself, admit my flaws, and work on them. Can you??

I think you can too, honestly...Just so you know..