Complex PTSD Symptoms:
Shame
People with C-PTSD often find themselves gripped by intense feelings of shame that debilitate them and trap them in a cycle of despair.
Toxic Shame
Shame Responses: Over-Apologizing, Over-Trusting, Over-Thinking, & Over-Sharing
Toxic Shame
Complex post-traumatic stress (C-PTSD) is characterized by the central role shame plays in its function and expression.
Toxic shame obliterates a Complex PTSD survivor's self-esteem with an overwhelming sense that he or she is loathsome, ugly, stupid, or fatally flawed.
During an emotional flashback you can regress instantly into feeling and thinking that you are as worthless and contemptible as your family and/or abusive partner(s) perceived you.
When you are stranded in a flashback, toxic shame devolves into the intensely painful alienation of the abandonment mélange - a roiling morass of shame, fear and depression.
The abandonment mélange is the fear and toxic shame that surrounds and interacts with the abandonment depression.
The abandonment depression itself is the deadened feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that afflicts traumatized children.
Toxic shame also inhibits us from seeking comfort and support. In a reenactment of the childhood abandonment we are flashing back to, we often isolate ourselves and helplessly surrender to an overwhelming feeling of humiliation.
If you are stuck viewing yourself as worthless, defective, or despicable, you are probably in an emotional flashback. This is typically also true when you are lost in self-hate and virulent self-criticism.
Flashbacks can be managed or resolved with proper intervention.
Shame is characterized by the belief that you are "bad." This emotion is based upon a distorted sense of yourself as being unworthy, damaged, or a failure.
Why is shame so pervasive? Young children are completely dependent upon caregivers for a sense of safety and connection in the world.
If you had an abusive caregiver, you faced a critical conflict: your biological drive to seek closeness from the very source of the terror you were trying to escape.
Young children are completely dependent upon caregivers for a sense of safety and connection in the world. When parents are frightening, abusive, or unavailable, children can feel confused about who is at fault.
When children witness something bad, they feel bad. Inaccurate and judgmental thoughts such as the following ones perpetuate shame:
"There must be something wrong with me!"
“I'm so stupid."
"I can't seem to do anything right."
"I'm an emotional wreck."
"I'm just lazy."
Adults who were abused or neglected as children will often blame themselves. This can lead to persistent feelings of guilt and shame.
This self-blame is a direct link to childhood logic— children will develop a fantasy that they are bad kids relying upon good parents to avoid confronting the terrifying reality that they are good kids relying upon bad parents.
Shame is often hidden underneath perfectionism. As a child, you may internalized the belief that you had to act perfect because your parents couldn't handle your authentic feelings.
Or perhaps you believed acting "good" would stop the bad things from happening. In either situation, you may have had to hide your true feelings to avoid rocking the boat.
Perfectionism is maintained by critical self-talk that attempts to push down painful feelings. When the inner critic berates you for being lazy, stupid, or useless, you are again confronted with your shame.
Shame as a symptom can be understood in terms of a process of adaptation to traumatic circumstances.
When someone frequently faces abuse at the hands of someone they rely on for food, shelter, or other basic needs, they might begin to cope by internalizing feelings of hatred the abuse naturally evokes.
When a victim blames themselves for what is happening, it may be easier to relate to the abuser as a caregiver or provider when necessary. This process of learning to self-blame can instill deep feelings of shame that persist long into later life.
Intense and uncontrollable feelings of shame can be a major obstacle to recovery. They prevent people from being able to confront what happened in the past. But this is a necessary part of the healing process.
Once you are aware of the messages you are telling yourself, you can do something about them and you will develop the strength to turn toward your pain.
Self-compassion and acceptance practices are antidotes to shame.
Just like depression, anxiety, and stress, shame is not inherently bad in all situations. It can be helpful to keep this in mind.
For example, imagine a situation where you have done something wrong or immoral. You know no one is likely to find out about it, but your actions still caused harm to another person. Do you confess and try to make amends?
We would all hope to answer "yes." But if you do pass this moral test, what emotion prompted you to do so? The answer is shame.
Shame is the voice that tells us, in this case correctly, that we have done something wrong. Shame becomes toxic when it is persistent, counterproductive, and/or not a deserved emotion within a given situation.
The path to long-term recovery from C-PTSD is through a new process of learning and adaptation.
Shame Responses:
Over-Apologizing, Over-Trusting, Over-Thinking, & Over-Sharing
What is commonly referred to as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a combination of PTSD's characteristic symptoms and several other issues; such as immense emotional turmoil and a total lack of trust in people and the world.
The trauma of those individuals, manifested in extreme and delicate ways within this complicated pattern that has been influenced by their past experiences.
It is incredibly difficult to build self-esteem alongside complexity that comes with C-PTSD. There's a need to have a strong emotional base that will act as a foundation for continuous well-being, despite being engulfed in endless emotional tumults.
This concept serves as an illustrative manifestation of shame-based trauma responses common among people navigating through the complex landscape of Complex PTSD.
Different types of coping mechanisms represented here are woven into personal traumatic histories, making them more intricate: onerous paths toward recovery.
Here are four common shame-based reactions we often witness from those living with Complex PTSD:
OVER-APOLOGIZING
The world of Complex PTSD is populated by people who have experienced situations where they were treated like scapegoats unfairly.
Over-apologizing is a survival technique that arises from such experiences, and it means avoiding any form of conflict.
They believe that by not arguing, others will accept them; hence, it becomes their perceived protection against suffering harm.
Conflict avoidance for these individuals indicates a desperate attempt at self-preservation that may lead to harmonious relationships and ensure emotional well-being.
OVER-TRUSTING
Notwithstanding previous traumas, those who suffer from complex post-traumatic stress disorders often maintain an abiding faith in the basic goodness of people.
Hence, they tend to over-trust leading to being vulnerable emotionally and trusting each individual without any caution for what they do or have done before.
This openness however puts them at risk because when somebody eventually cheats on them or leaves them alone, it increases their pain.
OVER-THINKING
Complex PTSD's complex set-up makes its victims overthink ceaselessly – always trying to link today's realties with past events.
By continuously forcing themselves into this never-ending mental activity where they endeavor to relate pieces of their past traumas with present occasions, these victims suffer from anxiety and depression due to rumination.
Consequently, these people are mentally and emotionally drained by the tedious processes of unraveling old terrors and worst likely scenarios.
OVER-SHARING
A tendency towards over-sharing by individuals with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) reflects a deep yearning for emotional connection and intimacy.
They often share too many personal experiences deeply rooted in trauma to help establish an emotional bond.
Nevertheless, this innate wish for closeness might ironically result in other people being pushed away; a way of protecting themselves unconsciously from the possibility of being hurt or abandoned.
An element of over-sharing suggests that there is a complex interplay between the desire for emotional intimacy and an unconscious need for self-protection.
Complex coping mechanism, ingrained within the intricate landscape of C-PTSD, is responsible for this seemingly excessive disclosure of trauma-related details that balances on the fine line between seeking connection and fortifying emotional barricades.
The intricate spider web of shame-based trauma responses that pervades Complex PTSD is a compelling example of the lasting impact of past traumas on current behaviors. Professionals are widely aware that this disorder is multifaceted and acknowledges the complex entanglements it is marked with.
Nonetheless, there is an unwavering conviction amid these challenges, which derives from therapeutic interventions, building resilience and existence of compassionate backing networks.
Fundamentally, healing from Complex PTSD necessitates a comprehensive approach that recognizes the profound influence of shame-based reactions and also creates an environment that is nurturing.
This overall endeavor rests on blending different therapeutic approaches, enhancing resilience mechanisms and creating caring support systems which act as a foundation for hope and possibility for those with Complex PTSD to rebuild and find permanent wellness.
SOURCES:
CPTSD
Workbook, Arielle Schwartz PhD/ CPTSD Treatment Manual__CPTSD: From Surviving
to Thriving, Pete
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P. M., Heller, M. B. (2017). The roots of chronic posttraumatic stress
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SOURCES:
CPTSD
Workbook, Arielle Schwartz PhD/ CPTSD Treatment Manual__CPTSD: From Surviving
to Thriving, Pete
Walker__www.verywellmind.com/what-is-complex-ptsd__psychcentral.com/ptsd/complex-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-symptoms#common-triggers__goodtherapy.org/dissociation-c-ptsd-role-of-detachment-in-complex-trauma___crappychilhoodfairy.com/cptsd-behaviors-like-narcissism__Crittenden,
P. M., Heller, M. B. (2017). The roots of chronic posttraumatic stress
disorder: Childhood trauma, information processing, and self-protective
strategies. Chronic Stress, 1, 1-13
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2470547016682965__Kessler, R. C.,
& Bromet, E. J. (2013). The epidemiology of depression across cultures.
Annual Review of Public Health, 34, 119–138. https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/10.1146/annurev-publhealth-031912-114409__Lawson,
D. M. Treating adults with complex trauma: An evidence-based case study.
Journal of Counseling and Development,
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jcad.12143 Sar, V. (2011, March
7)__Developmental trauma, complex PTSD, and the current proposal of
DSM-5__European Journal of Psychotraumatology,
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3402/ejpt.v2i0.5622__Tarocchi, A.,
Aschieri, F., Fantini, F., & Smith, J. D. Therapeutic assessment of complex
trauma: A single-case time-series study. Clinical Case Studies, 12, 228–245. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1534650113479442__https://www.verywellmind.com/agoraphobia-101-2584235__Avoidance
Behavior, Written by Silvi Saxena MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C/Reviewed by Raiy Abulhosn
MD__ https://psychcentral.com/pro/complex-ptsd-and-the-realm-of-dissociation